To Have and to Hold Read online

  Josie fell in love with James, and when James left her saying he loved her but wasn’t ready for commitment—“It’s not you, it’s me”—she vowed not to make the same mistake again, vowed that no one would hurt her like that again.

  She stopped caring what people thought of her, toughened up her act, and refused ever to put men before her career again. Of course there was the odd brief relationship, but Josie made sure she was always in charge, made sure no one could even come close to bruising, let alone breaking, her heart.

  “Sorry about that.” Joe sits down, pulling his chair closer, brushing her knee with his own. “Just had to make a quick phone call.”

  “To tell your wife you’re stuck in a meeting?” Josie is amused.

  “No, actually. I told her I was with a particularly brilliant and beautiful colleague, and I’m having much too good a time to leave, so I’d probably be late home tonight.”

  Josie shakes her head. She knows he’s probably tried this on with a million other women before her. She wants to tell him that he’s being an arse, that he’s completely transparent, that she’s not some bimbo who’s going to fall for the whole married man line, but she doesn’t.

  She doesn’t because up until this evening she has genuinely forgotten what it is like to feel turned on, to feel that thrill of attraction, of anticipation. She can feel Joe’s knee gently pressing her own, and she’s astonished to feel a surge of heat in the pit of her stomach.

  She knows this is ridiculous. Dangerous. She’s only just started at Godfrey Hamilton Saltz, the last thing she needs is to get involved with someone at work. She ought to just leave now, go before she gets herself into a situation she might not be able to get out of. The attraction is strong, but her survival instinct is stronger.

  “I have to go.” Josie shakes her head and reaches for her jacket, ignoring the disappointment on Joe’s face.

  “Where do you live?”

  “Chelsea.”

  Joe’s face lights up. This is going to be easier than he thought. “I’m in Belgravia. We can share a cab.”

  Alice cooked: smoked haddock kedgeree, a large mixed salad, and hot crusty bread warmed in the oven. Harry washed up, Emily dried, and by the time everything had been put away they had drunk just over two bottles of wine.

  The dogs are stretched out in front of the fire when Harry volunteers to walk them before bed. He puts his jacket on, pulls a woolen hat over his curls (“Don’t say I didn’t come prepared”), and clips their leashes on to take them out.

  Alice and Emily wave good-bye, smiling, and as the door firmly shuts behind him Emily exhales loudly.

  “Go on then, what do you think?”

  “The house is fantastic. I told you.”

  Emily hits Alice hard.

  “Ow!”

  “Sorry, but you know I didn’t mean the house. What do you think of Harry?”

  “Harry’s fantastic too.”

  “He is, isn’t he?” Emily sighs happily.

  “Yes.” Alice nods. “He really is.”

  There’s a silence for a few seconds then Emily nudges Alice. “Go on then, tell me what’s fantastic about him.”

  “You know what’s fantastic about him.”

  “But I want to hear what you think is fantastic about him.”

  Alice laughs. “Okay. He’s funny.”

  “He is, isn’t he?” Emily hugs her knees.

  “Yes. And he’s got a great smile.”

  “Hasn’t he though? I told you he had a great smile.”

  “I know, and he does.” More silence.

  “What else?”

  “He’s really interested in people, and interesting.”

  “I know! I love that about him.”

  “He knew how to make kedgeree.”

  “I know! He can cook!”

  “He loves animals.” Alice is running out of fantastic things to say about him.

  “How perfect is that?”

  “That about sums it up,” Alice laughs. “He seems to be pretty perfect.”

  “He is, isn’t he?”

  “There must be something wrong with him,” Alice muses. “No one’s that perfect. Maybe he’s got really stinky cheesy feet.”

  “Yeuch! That’s disgusting!” Emily makes a face as she starts laughing.

  “I bet that’s it,” Alice continues. “Cheesy disgusting feet with long yellow toenails.”

  “Oh God, you’re horrible,” Emily groans through her laughter. “That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard. I don’t think I want to have sex with him anymore!”

  The front door opens and Dharma bounds into the room, followed closely by Humphrey, with Harry taking up the rear. Emily pales.

  “Shit,” she whispers to Alice when Alice stops laughing and Harry goes upstairs to the loo. “Do you think he heard me?”

  “No, definitely not,” Alice giggles. “Although even if he did, he’s not exactly an innocent, he must know it’s on the menu tonight.”

  “Shhh.” Emily nudges her as Harry clumps back down the narrow staircase and tries to make her voice as natural as possible. “So he said yes, did he?”

  Alice looks at her strangely. “Yes. He said yes.”

  “Oh, good.” Emily’s voice is unnaturally bright and breezy. “Anyone fancy a game of Scrabble?”

  In the end they can’t find the Scrabble, decide that Trivial Pursuit is too boring unless you have teams, and they can’t be bothered to play Monopoly, so Boggle it is.

  Forty-five minutes later Harry offers to make tea and disappears into the kitchen.

  Emily leans over to Alice.

  “Alice,” she whispers, “I think it’s nearly time for bed.”

  “Is it?” Alice looks at her watch. “It’s only ten and I’m not tired at all.”

  “Al-ice,” Emily sings slowly. “I think it’s nearly time for you to go to bed.” She raises an eyebrow as Alice gasps.

  “Shit, I’m being so obtuse. I’m having such a lovely time I completely forgot I was being a total gooseberry. Oh God, you’re supposed to be having sex in front of the fire and I’m sitting here like a total idiot. I’m so sorry, I’ll go now.”

  She jumps up and walks quickly toward the stairs until Emily runs after her and grabs her, leading her back to the sofa.

  “You’re not being a gooseberry,” she whispers. “We’re all having a lovely time, and it will be a bit bloody obvious if Harry comes back with a cup of tea for you and finds you gone. Just drink your tea quickly and then go to bed.”

  “Okay. What underwear are you wearing?”

  Emily listens to check Harry is still in the kitchen, then quickly lifts her sweater to flash a cream lacy bra.

  “Oooh, nice.” Alice whistles her approval.

  “I thought so. Black’s always a bit obvious, don’t you think? Is it sexy though?”

  “Oh yes. If I was a man I’d definitely fancy you.”

  “That’s why I love you.” Emily puts her arms around Alice and gives her a brief hug. “You always know exactly the right thing to say.”

  “Tea for three.” Harry comes back into the living room holding the tray, Dharma running around his heels, joined swiftly by Humphrey, the pair of them clearly sensing the rest of the Bourbon biscuits on the tray. “Dharma, down!” he says, as Dharma collapses to the floor. “Good girl!” He turns to Humphrey, who is currently weaving between his legs. “Humphrey, down!” Humphrey jumps up, placing his paws on Harry’s thigh. “Emily,” he says sternly, “I thought you said you’d been practicing.”

  “Ah yes.” Emily is embarrassed. “It looks like I still have some work to do.”

  Alice snuggles under the duvet, book in hand, and smiles to herself. She is having the nicest time she has had in ages, with nothing and no one else to worry about.

  Part of her is dreading Joe coming up tomorrow. Brianden is tiny, but the three of them—Emily, Harry, and Alice—fit perfectly. The house feels just the right size, and Alice is nervous that
Joe’s arrival will cause the house to shrink, will give her the sense of claustrophobia that she feels so often these days.

  And she knows Joe won’t be comfortable. He’ll moan about the lack of a shower, the shared bathroom, the bed, the everything. She knows he’ll want to move, will try to convince her to come up with some excuse and go to a fancy hotel on Saturday night, but, she determines now as she lies here, she will not be swayed. For once she will do what she wants to do.

  Downstairs, Emily and Harry are lying on the sofa, smiling at one another as they gently kiss.

  “So what do you think of Alice?” Emily strokes his cheek as she marvels at finding such a lovely man in such an unlikely place.

  Harry smiles. “She’s not what I expected,” he says. “She’s really down to earth and sweet.”

  “She is, isn’t she?”

  “What’s her husband like?”

  Emily frowns. “I like him but I think he’s probably a bit of a bastard. You kind of have to like him, he’s incredibly charming, but also very controlling with Alice, and I’m sure he’s unfaithful.”

  “Why would anyone want to be unfaithful if they were married to someone like Alice?” Harry is confused.

  “I know. Alice swears he’s just an old flirt and would never do anything, but I’m not so sure. But the Alice you met today is the real Alice, just incredibly loving and natural and playful, and you’ll see how she changes when Joe’s around.”

  “In what way?”

  “She’s much quieter, she allows Joe to be the center of attention, and she’s much more careful.”

  “Do you think they’re happily married?”

  “Oh God. I don’t know. I know that I would never have expected her to marry someone like Joe, or live the life she’s living with Joe, but who really knows what goes on behind closed doors?”

  Harry leans forward and kisses Emily again. “That’s enough about Alice. I’m far more interested in you right now.”

  “Oh, good.” Emily shivers as Harry lifts her hair and softly kisses her neck. “I was hoping you would say that.”

  The cab takes a hard right around a corner, causing Josie to slide sharply into Joe.

  There’s an intimate silence in the cab. Josie is wondering whether she should have stopped drinking Cosmopolitans a few hours ago, while Joe is wondering whether they should go to her place or his. Have to be hers, he decides. However much of a bastard he is, he’s too careful to bring anyone back to the house. You never know what they might accidentally on purpose leave behind.

  “Just here on the left.” Josie leans forward, gathering her coat and bag as Joe starts to rise. Josie turns to him, knowing what she has to do. The air is filled with promise, she is so attracted to him and he to her, and it would be so easy for her to go to bed with him tonight, but it would be a mistake.

  She knows absolutely it would be a mistake.

  “Don’t get up,” she says brusquely. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Ah. That means I’m not getting invited in for coffee, doesn’t it?” Joe sits back, disappointed but not deterred. If not tonight, another night. He knows he’ll get there in the end.

  “You’re not getting invited in for coffee,” Josie smiles, and Joe leans forward just at that moment, and in the darkness of the cab he kisses her. Once, twice. Three soft kisses on her lips. No tongues, nothing overtly sexual, but a guarantee that he will not settle for friendship, that it may not happen tonight, but it will happen. Of that he is absolutely sure.

  8

  Alice yawns as she tiptoes down the stairs trying not to wake anyone, rubbing her neck and shoulder as she groans.

  The bed was not as bad as she remembered, it was worse. She had slept fantastically for three hours, then spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, eventually waking with a stiff neck at six o’clock.

  She has lain in bed reading for an hour, then come downstairs to be met by an excited Humphrey and Dharma, who jump all over her then run to the front door whining, their tails wagging furiously.

  Pulling her coat over her pajamas, she looks for her boots by the front door, realizing she has left them upstairs. She can’t be bothered to run back up, so she slips her feet into Harry’s huge Timberlands, grabs one of Emily’s hats, pulls it down firmly over her ears, and clips the leashes on the dogs as she tries to shush them before quietly going outside.

  It’s a beautiful morning. The air is cold and crisp, the frost glitters on the grass, and the sky is a bright clear blue. Crunching over the lawn, Alice pushes open the gate and leads the dogs into the field. She bends down and unclips their leashes, smiling as the pair of them eagerly take off, racing round in circles, tongues hanging out of their mouths with joy.

  She had forgotten just how wonderful the view is, how much she loves being in open spaces, breathing fresh air. She crosses her arms to keep out the cold, and follows the dogs, sliding her feet across the lawn to stop the huge boots falling off.

  Twenty minutes later she’s about to die of cold. Calling the dogs as quietly as she can, she clips the leashes back on and leads them across the country lane back into the house to make some coffee and warm up.

  “Morning!” Harry’s sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of steaming coffee. He’s wearing jeans and a large sweatshirt, and Alice is relieved to see that his bare feet seem to be completely normal.

  “You look disgustingly happy for first thing in the morning,” Alice laughs, knowing that a night of sex will do that for you. As it happens, Alice is a morning person herself, has always had the ability to bound out of bed wide awake, without the need for caffeine to give her that first boost of the day.

  “I’m always good first thing,” Harry smiles. “I saw you outside walking the dogs. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think your boots are a little too big for you.”

  “Ah, yes. They’re yours, actually. I couldn’t find mine so I borrowed them. Do you mind?”

  “Not at all. Glad to have been of service. And the hat suits you too. Can I get you some coffee?”

  “Mmm, that sounds lovely.”

  “So how did you become a dog trainer?” Alice is clearing up the cereal bowls while Harry stands by the stove cracking eggs into a frying pan.

  “I was supposed to be a vet”—Harry laughs—“but I didn’t have the discipline.”

  “You mean you went to veterinary college?”

  “Yup. I dropped out halfway through my second year.”

  “But that’s terrible.”

  “Is it? Why?”

  “You were so close. Don’t you have any regrets?”

  Harry hands Alice the package of bacon to open, then slaps six rashers into the pan. “Sometimes. But I don’t think I’m the sort of person who would be happy working in a nine-to-five job.”

  “Do you think being a vet constitutes a nine to five?”

  “Actually it’s longer, you’d have to be on call all the time even when you weren’t at your practice, but it’s more about routine. I didn’t have the discipline to do the same thing every day, and although I do sometimes think I should have finished, just to have got the qualifications, on the whole I’m very happy with my life.”

  “And is dog training everything you thought it would be?”

  Harry laughs, walking over to the table and sliding the eggs and bacon onto plates as Alice puts a pile of toast on the table and sits down. “Dog training is fantastic, but best of all is the time it gives me to do other things.”

  “Such as?”

  “Such as gardening. And pottering round the house. And I’m a bit of a dab hand at woodwork.”

  “What kind of woodwork?”

  “Bookshelves. Benches. That kind of stuff.”

  “For yourself or for other people? God, this is delicious! I don’t even remember the last time I had fried eggs and bacon for breakfast. This feels so decadent!”

  “What do you normally have for breakfast?”

  “Fruit.”

  “A
nd?”

  Alice shrugs. “Just fruit.”

  “That’s not breakfast!” Harry is horrified. “You need something much heartier for breakfast. I’ll have to have a word with Emily about you.”

  “What do you have for breakfast then? Surely not this every day. You’ll be having a heart attack any moment now.”

  “Nope, these breakfasts are only for the weekend. My usual breakfast is a bowl of porridge, toast, and fruit. Oh, and sometimes pancakes.”

  “Pancakes? How are you not the size of a house?”

  “Gardening’s bloody good exercise. It’s hard physical labor.”

  Alice laughs. “You could start a new fitness craze: Harry’s hard-core gardening workout.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. So go on, which is it? Do you do the gardening and carpentry for yourself or for other people?”

  “Both. I took them up years ago just because I wanted to learn new skills, but now I do quite a lot for other people, usually friends, or friends of friends. I try to work only with people I like. Life’s too short to be doing something you don’t want to do. So what about you, Alice? What do you do?”

  There is a silence while Alice thinks about how to answer. How can she possibly tell him she has lunch? Or she is on various charity committees? How can she say she goes shopping? And has manicures?

  “I don’t do very much really,” she says eventually, preferring nothing to the truth.

  “Okay. Next question. What would you want to do?”

  “You mean if I wasn’t living this life?”

  “Yup, if you could do anything at all.”

  Alice sits and thinks for a while. “Probably a bit of gardening and carpentry,” she says, and they both laugh.

  “Morning!” Emily, in a dressing gown, stretches in the doorway and grins, first at Harry, then at Alice. She walks over to Harry and puts her arms around his neck, leaning down as he looks up at her with a smile, and kissing him on the lips.