To Have and to Hold Read online

Page 27


  Joe looks at his watch. Too late now to phone. And anyway, Gina’s hardly going to call Alice in the early hours of the morning. He’ll call first thing tomorrow, make sure he comes up with a plausible enough story. Joe exhales loudly and starts to relax.

  “Joe, are you okay?” Joe turns to look at Josie, and he nods.

  “I’m sorry, Josie. It was just a shock. Look, I think I should just drop you off and go back to my apartment. Do you mind? I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “I think that’s a good idea,” Josie says brightly, her heart sinking to her knees. “And don’t worry about calling tomorrow, I’m actually off to a luncheon party in Purchase. I won’t be around much.”

  “Thanks.” Joe smiles at her, then takes her hand and kisses it. “That’s what I love about you. You always understand.”

  Josie just smiles, then turns her head to look out of the window so he doesn’t see the pain in her eyes.

  “Gina? It’s Joe.”

  “Hello, Joe.” Her voice is still cold. She prods George, who is lying next to her reading the Times, and raises an eyebrow. George lowers the paper to listen to the conversation.

  “Gina, I need to explain.”

  “I think it was perfectly clear actually. And anyway, you don’t need to explain anything to me.”

  “But I do, Gina. It wasn’t what you think.”

  “It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s none of my business. What you get up to when your wife isn’t around is none of my business, Joe.”

  “Gina, I don’t get up to anything when Alice isn’t around.”

  “Really? That’s not what it looked like to me.”

  “And that’s exactly why I’m phoning you. To explain. Because I know what it looked like and I know what it wasn’t.”

  “Okay. Shoot. What wasn’t it?”

  “It wasn’t what you think.”

  “Oh? And what do I think?”

  “You think I’m a bastard and you think I’m cheating on Alice.”

  “I’m glad that you were the one to say that and not me.”

  “Gina, I swear to God I love Alice. I love Alice more than anything, and I would never do anything to hurt her.”

  “So what exactly do you call what you were doing last night?” George is shaking his head furiously at Gina, but she’s turned her back on him. George sighs and picks up the paper again, flicking to the back of the Style section to see if he knows anyone who got married this week.

  “I admit, you caught me kissing some bimbo, but you know what? I had no idea who she was, I was out with friends and we’d all had a bit too much to drink, and this girl just started coming on to me. I suppose I was lonely, I missed Alice, and I was flattered that this young girl was flirting with me. It was stupid, I know how stupid it was, and if it’s any consolation at all nothing else happened last night.” At least this last bit was true.

  Gina sits silently, holding the phone to her ear. It sounds plausible enough, and he sounds sorry enough. Maybe it really was nothing. Maybe he’s not that much of a bastard.

  “Gina? Are you there?”

  “Yes. You know you don’t have to explain anything to me.” Her voice is softer; Joe knows she’s on her way to forgiving him.

  “I know. But I needed to. I just felt sick afterward, not because I saw you, but at the thought of hurting Alice. Gina, I love Alice so much, I swear to you I wouldn’t ever hurt her.”

  “I believe you,” Gina says with a sigh eventually. “Okay. Let’s try and put all this behind us.”

  “Thank you, Gina. Really. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. You know, I still don’t approve, but I can understand how these things happen, and if it really was a one-time thing then I’m prepared to leave it at that.”

  “It really was a one-off. In fact I’m going down to spend the day with Alice now.”

  “Good. I know she misses you when you’re in town all the time. Send her my love. Tell her I’ll speak to her tomorrow.”

  Joe puts the phone down with a huge sigh of relief. Thank God he managed to pull it off. Thank God Gina isn’t going to say anything to Alice. He picks up again and dials Alice. “Hi, sleepyhead.”

  “Hi! And I’m no sleepyhead, thank you. I’ve been up for hours.”

  “No surprise there. What have you been up to?”

  “Reading mostly. And today I’m out pruning.”

  “Sounds fascinating.”

  “Oh, ha bloody ha.”

  “How do you fancy lunch at the Homestead Inn?”

  “You’re coming down?”

  “Yup. I miss you. I thought we could go out and have a lovely lunch, and then maybe spend a leisurely afternoon in bed.”

  “Sounds infinitely more exciting than pruning.”

  “I’m so glad you think so.”

  Alice smiles, thrilled her husband is actually coming down and actually wants to be here with her. “I’ll see you later,” she says. “Snoop and I are going for a walk.”

  Joe insists Alice change for the Homestead Inn—“Darling, filthy old Levi’s, a baseball cap, and gardening clogs aren’t exactly the done thing in Greenwich”—and frowns when she comes downstairs a few moments later in a pale pink cashmere twin set and black trousers.

  “What’s the matter?” Alice says. “Isn’t this smart enough?”

  “The clothes are perfect,” Joe says. “But what have you done to your hair?”

  Alice laughs. “I’m going natural again. You’ve forgotten how curly my hair is naturally. Frankly I can’t be bothered to straighten it anymore. Don’t you think it’s better curly?”

  Joe frowns. “Well, it’s certainly different. But you’ve got to get your roots done, darling. It looks terrible.”

  “Ah. Well, I thought I might try growing out the blond actually.”

  Joe shakes his head. “No, love. If you want me to be honest, you look far more beautiful with blond hair. Curly I can handle, just, but back to your natural mousy color? No. I don’t think so.”

  Alice shrugs. She’s not willing to have an argument over something so petty, particularly when he’s come all this way just for the day and he’s treating her so nicely. “I probably won’t grow it out,” she lies. “I’d just forgotten what I looked like with natural hair and I just wanted to remember what my color was.”

  “Just make sure you get an appointment this week,” Joe says. “Remember we’ve got that charity benefit. Maybe Carlo can fit you in that afternoon.”

  “Maybe,” Alice says, knowing she won’t even bother phoning her hairdresser. She’s fed up with sitting at the hairdresser’s for hours every six weeks to get her highlights redone. She just can’t be bothered anymore, and her natural color isn’t so bad. Mousy, yes, but so much easier. “I’ll phone him tomorrow,” she says, to keep Joe happy, and he nods approvingly before whisking her off to lunch.

  During dessert Joe takes Alice’s hand then surprises her with a silver bracelet he’s picked up en route (thank God for Sunday shopping).

  “It’s beautiful!” Alice smiles with delight. “But what’s it for?”

  “Why does it have to be for anything?” Joe says, leaning forward and doing up the clasp for her. “It’s just because I love you.”

  “Are you sure you’re not guilty of something?” Alice laughs, and Joe smiles even though he suddenly feels very cold.

  “Guilty of what?” he says, trying to keep his voice as normal as possible. Surely Gina wouldn’t have told her, not after their conversation this morning.

  Alice smiles and kisses him. “Guilty of being a lovely husband. Thank you. It’s beautiful. It’s been months since you’ve surprised me with a beautiful present. You used to do it all the time in London. I’d forgotten how much I’d missed it. Thank you.” Alice has also, rather conveniently, forgotten how she used to feel when Joe turned up with these presents, forgotten her suspicions of old, forgotten the fear that used to follow her around like a large black rain cloud.

  Joe is mor
e loving today than he has been in months. They come back home and do spend the afternoon in bed, laughing together as they make love, Joe experiencing a renewed vigor he thought had disappeared altogether when it came to Alice, helped largely by visions of Josie whenever he—frequently—closes his eyes.

  “Wow!” Alice flops back on the pillow, exhausted, and smiles at Joe. “That was some afternoon.”

  “It certainly was.” Joe leans over and kisses her on the lips, then climbs out of bed.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Shower. Then I have to make some business calls. I’m sorry, darling. Do you mind?”

  Alice shrugs, then shakes her head. Of course she minds. But since when does a leopard ever change its—or his—spots?

  Joe makes sure his office door is closed then dials Josie’s number.

  “Hi. It’s Joe.” His voice is soft, just a tone above whispering as he leaves a message on her machine. Alice is still upstairs in bed, but you could never be too careful. “Listen, I’m in the country, had to come down and be the dutiful husband, but I’m going out of my mind with boredom. I’m coming back up this afternoon and I can’t stop thinking about you. I have to see you. I’ll try you again later but I want to see you tonight.”

  He switches his computer on then goes into his Hotmail account and writes Josie a long, explicit e-mail, telling her exactly what he plans to do to her this evening, then phones her again, putting the phone down when the machine picks up. Damn. Why doesn’t he have her mobile number? He wants to talk to her. He needs to talk to her.

  Josie sits at her kitchen table eating a dry toasted bagel and listens to Joe leaving the message. She wants to pick up the phone, talk to him, tell him she’ll be here, but she told him she was at a luncheon party, so she must pretend to be out. But all she wants to do is be with him, and even though she knows she needs to be unavailable to win him, she knows there’s only so much willpower she can muster. She won’t pick up the phone now, but she knows she’ll be there for him tonight. And tomorrow. And whenever he phones and says he wants her.

  At ten o’clock Joe unbuttons the top button of Josie’s shirt and continues to unbutton as she slides her tongue into his mouth and he gasps. He strokes her soft skin, then slips a bra strap down, tracing his fingers along her collarbone and down to her breast.

  Josie sighs as his head moves lower, kissing the path his fingers have just traced. She closes her eyes and sinks back on the bed as Joe moves lower. Thank you, God, she mouths silently, over his shoulder. Thank you for bringing him back to me.

  At ten twenty-five Joe’s phone rings.

  “Fuck!” he hisses, as he stops moving inside Josie.

  “You left it on?” she whispers, her hands still clasping his back, wanting him to carry on. “Don’t stop,” she encourages, trying to ignore the persistent ring.

  They wait, and eventually the phone stops. Joe is relieved to find he is still hard, and he starts moving inside Josie again as she gasps.

  And the phone starts to ring again.

  Alice clasps the phone to her ear. He said he’d be at home, but there’s no reply. And his mobile is ringing. If he was asleep he would have turned it off, but it’s just ringing and ringing.

  Fear clutches her heart, and nausea threatens to rise. She punches the number out again. And again. And again. And again.

  “Fuck!” Joe’s erection shrinks to nothing, and he pulls out of Josie and walks to the phone. Of course it’s Alice. Who else could it be? But why is she phoning him, and what is she thinking of, ringing over and over and over again?

  He doesn’t know whether to answer or whether to turn the phone off. Why is she ruining his night like this? Furiously he presses the power off button and watches the phone fade to nothing.

  Josie pads out to the living room, naked, and stands over him. “Is everything okay?”

  Joe nods, still furious, too wound up to speak.

  “Your wife?”

  He nods again. Why is she hounding him, for God’s sake?

  Josie sees how tense he is and rests a hand on his shoulder. She walks around to face him then kneels in front of him, cradling his head and kissing him.

  “It’s all going to be okay,” she says, but his shoulders are still tight, his body still stiff and unyielding. “Trust me,” she says, her lips moving down his chest, his stomach, then onto his twitching cock.

  Joe tenses, then relaxes. Yes. This feels right. Josie is right. It’s all going to be okay. He gives in to the feeling of pure physical pleasure and forgets about Alice. All that matters is right now, feeling Josie’s warm wet mouth.

  Alice gets up and goes downstairs, putting the kettle on to make chamomile tea. Snoop raises his head as she gets up but doesn’t have the energy to follow her, so Alice sits alone at the kitchen counter, trying to release the grip of fear on her heart.

  Stop being so ridiculous, she tells herself. Your mind is racing because of that bloody book. He probably just forgot to turn the phone off. He’s probably fast asleep and the phone is ringing in the hallway. But why did it suddenly switch off midring? Doesn’t that mean he turned the power off? Not necessarily. Maybe the battery went dead. A million possibilities race through Alice’s mind, and even though the fear abates somewhat, she still feels unsettled.

  Two hours later she takes a Valium, and gratefully, half an hour after that, she finally gives in to sleep.

  27

  Now that Joe has gotten away with it again, he knows he can continue getting away with it. He and Josie have fallen into a routine, much like the routine of old in London, only this time he doesn’t have to keep thinking up excuses as to why he’s home late.

  It’s just perfect, he thinks for the umpteenth time, as he heads over to Josie’s apartment, smiling at this beautiful spring day.

  A wife in the country and a mistress in town. Why didn’t he do this years ago? He smiles to himself. Alice had always wanted to live in the middle of nowhere. He could have stashed her in some Cotswolds cottage and played the quintessential bachelor in London. But no, he was too well known there, someone would have talked, word would have gotten out.

  But here it’s a different matter altogether. Josie is proving to be the perfect mistress. She looks great, she thinks he’s perfect, and she’s willing to do anything he wants. Plus, she understands the rules of having a married lover: Never put pressure on him and never question him about his wife; never phone his house and do something dangerous like put the phone down should his wife answer, and never expect anything more than you already have.

  He couldn’t have orchestrated a better situation had he tried. In fact, Josie’s so easy to be around he’s finding he’s spending almost every night with her. He’s learned to call Alice at around nine to preempt any late-night phone calls when she might question his whereabouts—the last time that happened he managed to say he was fast asleep with earplugs and had forgotten to turn off his mobile phone—and phone her first thing in the morning just so her suspicions aren’t raised.

  He’s even started going out properly with Josie—to dinner, to benefits, to parties, Alice rarely venturing into the city anymore—even though he’s careful not to indulge in any public displays of affection since the last close shave. He introduces Josie as a work colleague, and even though everyone suspects, no one knows for sure. Naturally his own colleagues in the office have a stronger suspicion than most about what’s going on—they had all heard the original rumors about why he was transferred to New York, and they know that Josie was the woman involved, but Joe is too senior for people to question him, or tease him, or make jokes to his face, and so he carries on regardless.

  And although he’s loath to admit it, Josie is, in many ways, proving to be a far better companion than Alice. For starters, she’s in the business, can easily hold her own with clients far more important than he. She truly understands how he feels when a deal doesn’t come off, or when there are problems at work, and knows how to make him feel better about
it.

  Alice tries, but Alice has always said that she has a mental block when it comes to numbers, and money, and finances, and Joe has stopped bothering to explain things to her, irritated by her blank expressions of sympathy.

  And Josie looks great. She’s learned what Joe likes and subsequently dresses to please him. She wears tight white shirts and tailored suits, the skirt covering the stockings and garters he loves. She click-clacks on spindly heels, unlike Alice, who always used to complain that heels hurt her feet, and who now rarely removes her Timberland boots or gardening clogs.

  Josie has the mane of glossy blond hair that is always a prerequisite for anyone Joe is involved with, and he finds himself looking at Alice’s two inches of mouse and wild curls with increasing distaste.

  He’s trying very hard with Alice. Trying to encourage her to be who she used to be, the woman he can proudly introduce as his wife. But where once upon a time Alice treated Joe like a god, listened to everything he said, did anything and everything to please him, since coming to America Alice doesn’t seem to care anymore.

  “But I’m happier like this.” Alice grins up at him from her position cross-legged in front of the fire, her hair scraped back in a messy ponytail, blowing the loose curls away from her face. “Aren’t you happy that I’m happy, darling?”

  Joe smiles and lies that of course he’s happy. But look at her, for God’s sake. Her nails are short, her hands are now coarse and workmanlike. She doesn’t wear her rings anymore because she’s worried about damaging them while working in the garden, and her makeup is clearly gathering dust in a closet somewhere.

  Alice looks exactly as she did when he first met her. He had known then how malleable she would be, how much potential she had, and how she would have done anything to please him. He cannot understand why he’s having such a hard time transforming her again, six years later.